What About Love?

What About Love?

What about love? - What about it?

Did I ever actually happened to love?

Am I capable of feeling compassion?

Or do I put it just on and pull it off?

Like a glove to touch things smoothly

Or just one to protect me from dirt

Like one to make me look finer

Or save me from being hurt?

Well, not really, because I've suffered a lot

If that's been some intention, it has failed

I struggled, I fought, I've been smeared

I messed up, I cried, and I derailed

But, do all these things really are about love?

Isn't love just perfect, just lovely, just good?

Isn't love the healing and the wonderful?

The miracle to be actually understood?

Isn't love something that lingers?

No matter what, nor how so?

A natural force, act of "God"

Always new even long ago

Isn't it that flame of the candle

That brings great light into the dark

That you take care of that painstakingly

The wishful walk hand in hand in the park

You are sweet. - You are forgiving.

You really want the best for me.

That sounds lovely, and great

Hopefully, it'll make me see

'Cause I don't ever want to be

The reverse effect, the final defeat

I want to be the rain for the rainbow

The cultivated fire to tender some heat

No more and no less, may it be love

Or any more illusion just to relive

It depends on the point of view

Still, it's light, to get and give

No matter if I ever loved

The next time will be the first

True when it allays such hunger

True when it quenches my thirst

True when it's not like it's been

As ever, on-again, off-again, and out

True when you make me laugh, yet again

When you make me, so do I make you, proud

What about love? - What about it?

Is an autistic person able to ever feel?

I say yes, just the ways of expression

Mis- state themselves as for real!

People think they know me, absolutely

But, how come when they don't understand

When sometimes even I myself can't find me

And, am all lost without a helping hand

What about love? - What about it?

I believe there is, there was, there will be

Don't know how, don't know when, or who

Yet it'll stem from and spring up out of me!

H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)

Wednesday 26th July 2017

16:32 hrs. ( MET + )

Anticlimax

Anticlimax

It tugs at my heartstrings

You kind of lacerate my heart

You are the one I most care about

Being less mattering and poles apart

I'm dissociated from all potentialities

Eventualities, and all possible ways

I'm tolerated, a nice distraction

A love to go, not that stays

I'll be fine. I'll be good.

I'll be free and loved at last!

'De oppresso liber' from now on

My blood won't be shed but cast

I thought I've yet passed the worst

Couldn't sink deeper anymore no more

I figured that my sadness had rocked bottom

There was no more minimal turning point before

Why can't I just stay forever on my own and lonely side?

Why can't I just let go all that pathetic longing for connection?

Why can't I accept that life will always and forever be a battle field?

Stop revealing my position, and choose secrecy instead as my protection?

Why can't I be in, but out?

Why can't I be wise?

Why do I suck?

Off-price?

I will be free from oppression

I will liberate the oppressed me

From being an oppressed man

To being a free one, you'll see

"De oppresso liber"

I'm on my way

Love is here

To stay!

H.C. Thiesgen

Tuesday 25th July 2017

20:48 hrs. ( MET + )

Willingness to Put Forth

Willingness to Put Forth

We are children without the childhood

We linger in a certain state of exception

We need the emergency rule to be lifted

Change some freedom into protection

We need the willingness to put forth buds

Stop escaping, credential the now be the plan

We need the pubescent possibilities of our roots

Open up to other culturality, other habits, and man

Give our thoughts some cut, some shape, some glow

Some openhandedness and some magnanimity 

The willingness to prosper without cheating

Set time a definition to be set to infinity

What's my relation to immigration like?

It's hard to say neither home nor on the run

I've been forced, without had been given a voice

Enslaved, god-forsaken to "Bad begun is half gone".

There have been deaths I've seen, I've survived, I've passed

There has been incredible sorrow, and misery, and pain

Hopeless moments of insufferableness and sadness

Leaving me behind never ever again the same

What's my relation to immigration like?

I'm an immigrant with no help at all

Nor sympathy, nor any believer

Nobody catches me if I fall

I am trapped in racism

Sickening affectation "to go"

Getting on somebody's bad side

Brave stepping ahead "so and so"

I know what it's like to be black

And, enter a crowded room

I know what it's like hell

Being neglected soon

Do I have a relation to immigration?

Has immigration a relation to me?

God for sure knows the answer!

People are to ignorant to see!

H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )

Wednesday 19th July 2017

16:47 hrs. ( MET + )

Wistful Hindsight

Wistful Hindsight

  

Did I ever hurt your feelings?

Although we still never met?

Do you feel me somehow?

Or any unfunny regret?

Did you ever experienced

Some steamy craving fever?

A hint of intimacy and ardor?

Have you ever been the believer?

Here I am with a broken heart anew

Stronger than ever, but hurt, but small

Just another friend was not granted to me

No greatest love, nothing finally, again, at all

I've not been honest, I am a liar against what I said

My dignity is infringed one more time, simply by myself

Not that simple is the aftermath of feeling idiotic and foolish

Being the book laid by for ever on the unneeded spot of the shelf

One more time I have to rise like phoenix from the ashes

To reach the sky, to honor life, to bop up and survive

Get my blood a transfusion of forgiveness, to fix

Recurrent substance abuse, staying alive!

And you, my dear, my destiny

Where have you been?

What a shame!

How mean!

No, I don't will ever hate you

No, ad infinitum I will forgive.

No, I don't put a single whit of

Umbrage in your light, even if

You could have safeguarded me

You could have been my love

You could have protected

Me from right above

Even that dead cat will bounce, yes

If dropped from the high enough

Hence I bounce back and back

Feeling however so rough

I do not repent, I have learned the lessons

To dance with the pain, to let go old me

To let go the one I used to be before

To accelerate, set my soul free...

H.C. Thiesgen

Tuesday 18th July 2017

01:17 hrs. ( MET + )

Beloved Me

Beloved Me

Yes, you were very right

You never had a real chance

I'm better all told in letting go

Saving all my liberty to advance

I gave you a look at my inner world

Just a tiny little once-over to get a clue

You'll take a taste of it on your lips along

Like others before from a vast number a few

My suaveness, my goodness, my sense for to cherish

My innocent sentiments to celebrate your body and soul

My glorious happiness, high spirits, and hilarity to share with

My untouched maidenhood that you got momentarily, just swole

You never meant to be, but boy, you could have been a lucky one

You could have had it all, and much more, more you will ever know

You cold have conquered all you will ever dream of, my loveliness

Something someone hardly ever gets to know, I wouldn't show

I let you go because I wanted you to, you're not enough

You're far from being what I need and what I want

There are things that weigh so severely hard

You grossly violated that wonderful bond

Take my sweetest kisses, even though

I'd rather like to have all of them back

Take my breath that lingered in yours

Echoing and reechoing on my neck

I can handle it to get over you

Go on and place just another bet

Lick the bone dry liquid of aridity

No more juice for you here to get

Oh, wish that I never would get

That very much angry again

I list that I could love as

Truly, as I used to can

Before I was broken

Before I have been left

Before I became prey

And, worse, a theft!

H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)

Wednesday 12th July 2017

17:17 hrs. ( MET + )

Prioritizing Progress

Prioritizing Progress

No, I do not want to possess you

I rather make you happy instead

I prefer to keep the distance up

Than just to share some bed

No good comes from being

Or satisfying another pity case

Amour propre should forbid that

Not just to keep and save the face

All I've ever wanted was being with you

Whoever you were, whoever you will be

Yet I realized that at the end of the day

The only one I was targeting was me

Looking for the perfect me to love

Looking for my being to accept

Looking for what I've lost

For a life, I could erect

And, within all that misery

I have been passing through

There have been a thousand

Thousand times, times you

Now then should I better be done with?

This enormous desire to conjoin?

Am I better off for the while?

Having me here to coin?

Stuck in adolescence

One may call it perchance

Something is holding me back

Somethings are ready to advance

Yap! - Life is too short! They say.

Whatever, to squander around

Living below and submerged

Even though above-ground

May all the Forces be with me.

May, well, the exercises succeed.

May God have mercy on my Soul.

Cometh the Hour. - "Good speed!"

H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)

Wednesday 12th July 2017

02:35 hrs. ( MET + )

Adonis Hecho Poesía

Adonis Hecho Poesía

¡Qué chévere! - ¡Qué guay!

¡Díos mío, vida!- ¡Eres padre!

Las maneras tuyas me encantan

Eres tan bonito. - ¡Ay, mi madre!

¡Ah! Tu ser me atrae, atrae además

Atrae fantasías, ilusiones, tales sueños

Ninguna foto logra captar tu presencia

Ninguna arte de los mejores diseños

Ni la lluvia de un día triste puede

Arrancarte de mi imaginación

Ninguna de mis razones

Detener a mi pasión

Ni este mundo o diablos oscuros

Oscurecen esta tu aura, tu luz

El cielo es mi testigo santo

Usted nació de la cruz

Crucifícame en tus brazos

Crucifícame con su gran deseo

De compartir tu vida en mi sangre

Tus ojos de amor son todo lo que veo

Quémame, corazón, con el calor de tu llama

El ardor de tu bueno, tu bondad, el inagotable

Me inhala en tu existencia y en tu dolor suave

¡Jesús! - ¡Te quiero! ¡Cómo eres tú amable!

Yo sigo tus pasitos. Y ya sigo tu inspiración.

Tú me das nueva vida, de nuevo alegría de vivir

Mi refresco un poco de fiesta cada día de tu verdor

¡Qué bueno de tenerte conocido! ¡Qué bueno es existir!

H.C. Thiesgen

Tuesday 11th July 2017

00:25 hrs. ( MET + )

Master of None

Master of None

You're not decent

You don't give a shit

You just use and abuse

Without really to admit

You just act on strategies

You are a figure one of a lot

You think you just know me

Not knowing what you got

That's what I'm thinking

C'on tell me I'm wrong

As good as it gets?

All way along?

Flash and bones, Jesus, and blast you!

Just one more motherfucker, just a whore

Say word! - I am deeply disappointed by you

Wish I gave no crap no damn neither anymore

Your hand? Really? You give me your fucking hand?

I gave you my blood, my honor, my energy and my time

What the hell was that for, you son of an even lovely bitch?

You had my body, my trust, and respect, God-given, fine.

Oh, my Lord, please tell me I'm overreacting

Oh, my Lord, Sir, tell me that I'm off base

My sweet goodness, that I'm mistaken

About it, that'll be a chapter to erase

Please, prove me the wrong again

Show me that I am at fault very clearly

Explain me explicitly what a fool I've been

And, that everything got lost, but just nearly

Come, forgive me my temper, forgive me the heat

Forgive me every second of sadness I may have you cost

But, if I'm right, and you are that stupid, dishonest bastard

Then, lying coward, I swear to the endless Universe: "Get lost!"

I thought you were my friend

I thought that you care

I thought you were

Gentle & fair!

H.C. Thiesgen

Friday 7th July 2007

21:55 hrs. ( MET +)