Intimacy Blocker

Intimacy Blocker

The autism in me is trying to get rid of you

Just trying to push you not right away

I’m on my way to destroy the good

Today, you better help me stay

Ugh, I’m getting so tired

From living that again

This time it’ll change

This time I’ll man

Man enough to

Quit the fuck

Disconnect

Build it up

Build that

Confidence

And, connect

Save that light

And, rather react

I start it now to stop

To share what’s going on

I better stop so now to start

Preserving what uses to be fun

I will treasure it, yes I’ll take care

I will lock myself to keep you alive

I will be valiant, even if it’ll hurt

I do not want to lose the drive

I will not drop you this time

I don’t want to let you go

You are a chance to be

You are my destiny

You are my second day of life

Of “Mark Twain’s” famous quote

You are the body that fits the clothes

The message without leaving your note

There is no way that you won’t understand

That I am exactly what you’ll ever need

I’ll learn what it may take these days

Get back in the game, on my feet

I need you here in my heart

I need you here in my life

I need your need in me

Need you be my wife

You’re not the loveliest

You’re not even the best

Yet, you are perfect for me

An adequate shoulder to rest

I love you, I wouldn’t tell you

I love you, you wouldn’t know

I love you in an unlovable way

My expectations are some low

On the other hand, huge then

A mission impossible rhyme

Maybe you'll understand me

Saving yourself so just fine

Saving me along with you

Saving your own mirror

Saving now tomorrow

Killing just the killer

HC_Thiesgen

Sun, June 10th, 2018

01:07 AM (UTC+2)

Lighthouse of Delusion

Lighthouse of Delusion

A friend is gone, my hopes, my acceptance

A good while of my life, a good memory

I prepare to face more than nothing

I stand up to not cave in misery

Wouldn't it be wonderful if money hadn't scarfed you

When your principles would not have been bought

Couldn't it be fantastic when you could love me

Without prejudices, fear or a second thought

What a great idea, what a dream it seems

Thinking that you might be different, be the one

Allow me to still hang on to hopes, that may be stupid

Faith, in the sweet home where I live for, where I belong

Who said that here, the solution couldn't have been you

Your friends? Your mother? Your ex? Apprehensibility?

You floored me hard down, you've been waiting for it
Pussy-footing around again with the usual facility

 I discern, know where you are coming from 

One is as good and as bad as is the other

You gave me more than an inch, yes

The mile took me away rather

No love, no home, no smile

No sweetest word to hear or to say

No day to be born again to look forward

No better than a list of happiness dying away

As likely as not, guess you won't surprise me anymore

Well, ego's pride has taken up your everyday all through

I'm swimming boldly in a sea of sadness, without a harbor

Without the lighthouse on shore which lovely has been you

H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )

Sun 27th August 2017

03:45 hrs. ( MET + )

The Thing is ...

The Thing is ...

All the time when I'm thinking
I actually have a friend in my life
There follows the experience then
There is no such thing for me alive

Nothing or nobody to count on, oh
Something or somebody to really trust
Anything to give me the feeling of reliance
One 'thing' or one who wants it, and no must

Where I can tell what my heart wants to release
And, won't get ridiculous any time, anyway
Where even when it is time to go away
More than that one wants to stay

Where I can be sure there will be
A tomorrow, with a presence again
With words, with compassion, with
An interest, a togetherness, a plan

Oh, how I long for a thing to continue
Be in my life, be remarkable, and be true
Oh, take this feeling of doubt and question
From me away, all the whatever way through

How many things can I survive altogether?
How many ways confront the sadness of drop?
How many times will I be kicked by the boulder
That makes its way back to me from the top?

How much more can I take in the future?
Without any backup, without a friend?
How much more will I be ashamed?
With my lonely ground to stand?

Does everybody has to be a thing?
Just because I simply may be?
Do I have been a deceitful
Self-aggrandizing me?

If it's true, please, condone me
Whoever may have paid the price
Please, unharness me with forgiveness
Without out it, I won't ever have any dice!

But, do I have been deceitful and self-aggrandizing
To me? To myself? To the very best I once have known?
Then I will need more than just a thing to help me forgive
Because I won't be able to do it all on my 'tod', on my own

And, God?! - I don't know if there's such thing
Or more than a thing, even a being, to say
Though if there's such something or so
Take this as my prayer, take it away!


H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)
Thursday 3rd August 2017
11:55 hrs. ( MET + )

Beloved Me

Beloved Me

Yes, you were very right

You never had a real chance

I'm better all told in letting go

Saving all my liberty to advance

I gave you a look at my inner world

Just a tiny little once-over to get a clue

You'll take a taste of it on your lips along

Like others before from a vast number a few

My suaveness, my goodness, my sense for to cherish

My innocent sentiments to celebrate your body and soul

My glorious happiness, high spirits, and hilarity to share with

My untouched maidenhood that you got momentarily, just swole

You never meant to be, but boy, you could have been a lucky one

You could have had it all, and much more, more you will ever know

You cold have conquered all you will ever dream of, my loveliness

Something someone hardly ever gets to know, I wouldn't show

I let you go because I wanted you to, you're not enough

You're far from being what I need and what I want

There are things that weigh so severely hard

You grossly violated that wonderful bond

Take my sweetest kisses, even though

I'd rather like to have all of them back

Take my breath that lingered in yours

Echoing and reechoing on my neck

I can handle it to get over you

Go on and place just another bet

Lick the bone dry liquid of aridity

No more juice for you here to get

Oh, wish that I never would get

That very much angry again

I list that I could love as

Truly, as I used to can

Before I was broken

Before I have been left

Before I became prey

And, worse, a theft!

H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)

Wednesday 12th July 2017

17:17 hrs. ( MET + )

Tausend und noch eine Nacht

Tausend und noch eine Nacht

Du hattest alles von mir, mein Vertrauen

Meinen Respekt und sogar meine Liebe

Aber hinfort sind sie in dieser Nacht

Der tausend und einer, der Diebe

Aber so ist es nicht wirklich

Die Wahrheit ist ja so nicht

Ich bin es der den Bann

Und das Band bricht

Die Magie ist hinfort

Der liebliche Reiz

Geblieben Gier

Aus dem Geiz

Dem Geiz von dir

Dem Geiz an Geduld

Dem Geiz an Großmut

Des Egos große Huld

Schade, oh du, Gott!

Schade, oh mein Leben

Schade, das das alles war

Was hier jetzt war zu geben

Geboren aus einem, ja jenem Kuss

Der nicht ins Leben, deinen Atem, fand

Verloren in einer Nacht mit halbem Mond

Ohne Angst, aber auch ohne Liebe in dem Sand

Jenem Sand, der durch die Enge rinnt, eher rast

Genannt auch Zeit, die einmal stillstand in deiner Süße

Jenem Sand der sehnsüchtig lodert auf den ewigen Moment

Dass ich des Himmels Treue für immer in meinen Armen begrüße

Ein verlorener Kuss und ein verlorener Tag

Ein verlorenes Glück und noch ein verlorenes Leben

Du hattest mein Vertrauen, meinen Respekt, meine Liebe

Jetzt werde ich es jemand anderem schenken und geben

Jetzt werde ich beenden und neu beginnen

Dir die Macht wieder nehmen, die ich dir gab

Gott ist mir gnädig, Gott ist meine Rettung

Gott ist alles und nichts, was ich hab'

Denn nichts ist ja besser

Als die Lüge, als der Schmerz

Nichts ist bei weitem besser 

Als ein trauriges Herz

H.C. Thiesgen

Saturday 1st July, 2017

12:45 hrs. ( MET + )

Sternenklar

Sternenklar

Ich hätte vertrauen sollen

Meinem allerersten Instinkt

Ich hätte ja wissen müssen

Dass deine Liebe stinkt

Du kommst daher

Redest bevor du denkst

Und fürchtest dich ja riesig

Dass du dir etwas verschenkst

Du bist kein ganzer Mann

Und eine kleine verbitterte Frau

Und dass ich nicht der Grund bin

Das weiss ich aber ganz genau

Schiebe nicht einfach so etwas vor

Was der Wahrheit nicht entspricht

Du bist nur auf die Genugtuung

Und ewigen Ruhm erpicht

Du wirst nut geleitet von Stolz

Wie die Marionette vom Spieler

Und ich bin ins Ziel geschossen

Du verbleibst der Verlierer

Du hast keinen Mumm

Das war und ist dir nicht klar

Und du wirst es auch nicht wissen

Nicht morgen, nicht in einem Jahr

Eine grosse Liebe verabschiedet sich

Ich nehme sie hinfort wieder hier mit mir

Nichts ahnend wirst du sie doch vermissen

Verzeihung, aber das ist nicht mein Bier

Viel Spass mit dem Pony oder auch dem Esel

Dass oder der dem Reiter besser entspricht

Das feurige Pferd zieht die Freiheit vor

Und bereut es bei dir auch nicht

Ich bin ganz einfach nicht dafür geschaffen

Für das Laufen im Kreise oder Dressur

Und chauvinistische Erquickungen

Langweilen mich einfach nur

Zurück zu den süssen Klängen

Zurück, trotz so rauher Natur

Zurück zu meiner Würde

Zurück zur Liebe pur

HC_B

MAY 19, 2009

[24:00 hrs]

The Complexional Prejudices of Man

The Complexional Prejudices of Man

If I believed the whole wide world

I wouldn't deserve one tiny little thing

I wouldn't be any worth any gold that mint

Neither the light nor the darkness or some ring

If I believed that world 

I wouldn't be worth my salt 

Not worth a fight or some try 

Being just fuss, factor and fault 

If I believed the world 

I'd merit no single friend 

No piece of luck, no chance 

Nor love or nor mirth to grant 

I would be simply transparent 

So opaque, dark and obscure as well

I'd be just a thing virtuously being used 

A place in one's heart where to dwell 

If I believed that world all around 

I'd be a paradise without such a garden 

I would not be worth my weight or my light 

I'd hardly deserve any single gentle so pardon 

But I don't believe it

I'm not such a simple fool 

I might be all of that and not 

I may be weird, green and cool 

But I'm even more than this little world

I'm much more than the world seems to know 

I'm more than the inner world of pain, guilt or hate 

And more space, water, air or energy with oars to row 

I'm a believer, some higher truth, and the blood 

That once has been shed to be saved and too, to save 

I am the creator of the world inside the so wider world 

A dream to be real and vigorous, and most of all brave 

HC_Behrens 

July 17th, 2016 

[12:58 hrs]