Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Diamonds in Disguise


Diamonds in Disguise

Oh, how I'd love to say I'm sorry, really
Oh, how I'd love to have you back in my life
Oh, how I hate myself for being such so loser
Or for making your kindness turn to a knife

A knife that is stuck all in my heart now
A knife that cuts my world into despair
A knife that fills my lungs with blood
And, abandoned me from fresh air

I can't decide this time to do
I can't choose the role to admit
I can't let you be able to buy me
I can't betray myself just to fit

It's your turn now to man up
I do it my way, I do resist
I honored the women
You hated to exist

But it's her call but yet
If I should live or so die
It is her all unselfishness
Braving or walking on by

I'm not sure if I can survive 
One more birthday without glee
One more winter without that sun
That you used to shine rightly on me

I know that I don't really know you
If that generally happens at all
Just following a stupid faith
Just following some call

I want no more words
Can't bear it without you
Can't get enough to survive
Can hardly make it through

The darkness with no candle
The storm without a crutch
The light without a point
That I love very much


H.C. Thiesgen
Tue 20th August 2017
11:27 hrs. ( MET + )

Monday, August 28, 2017

Angry Splinter


Angry Splinter 

If there only could be ever someone
Who barred me from hurting me like this
I don't know if I can stand life further without
I'm miserable, faithless and sad just the way it is

Life is eating me up, my body, my feelings, and hope
I'm fighting it but don't know now who's actually winning
Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm getting ahead making progress
Or stay where I am or where I was already, keeping just spinning

Writing, it helps me and it adjusts me
But it's also driving me some nuts, crazy
It makes me lose people I care about a lot
It also makes me inflexible, in a way lazy

Why can't my tears overflow me once and for all
And, create a river for your ship to sail directly to me?
My soul is unhappy, torn apart, back and forth, repeatedly
"God", I need the full load,  the fuel feed to get out of the gloomy

I'm not sure anymore if I can make it
Grow up and make my own living
I've never learned it, not a bit
Nor accepting nor giving

I'm hungry, sad and I'm all lonely
I'm done with living on my own
I am tired of the idea to move
Oh, how I long to be home!

But, there's no home without a heart
But, yet my heart is where you are

But, where you are is far away
But, still, you are my star

Still, I wish you here
Still, I think you there
Still, you rule my world
Still, you seem pretty fair

Lord, I wish I could cry
And, shout out loud
Let me be loved!
And, proud!


H.C. Thiesgen
Mon 28th August 2007
08:50 PM ( GEM + )

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Lighthouse of Delusion


Lighthouse of Delusion


A friend is gone, my hopes, my acceptance
A good while of my life, a good memory
I prepare to face more than nothing
I stand up to not cave in misery

Wouldn't it be wonderful if money hadn't scarfed you
When your principles would not have been bought
Couldn't it be fantastic when you could love me
Without prejudices, fear or a second thought

What a great idea, what a dream it seems
Thinking that you might be different, be the one
Allow me to still hang on to hopes, that may be stupid
Faith, in the sweet home where I live for, where I belong

Who said that here, the solution couldn't have been you
Your friends? Your mother? Your ex? Apprehensibility?
You floored me hard down, you've been waiting for it
Pussy-footing around again with the usual facility


 I discern, know where you are coming from 
One is as good and as bad as is the other
You gave me more than an inch, yes
The mile took me away rather

No love, no home, no smile
No sweetest word to hear or to say
No day to be born again to look forward
No better than a list of happiness dying away

As likely as not, guess you won't surprise me anymore
Well, ego's pride has taken up your everyday all through
I'm swimming boldly in a sea of sadness, without a harbor
Without the lighthouse on shore which lovely has been you


H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )
Sun 27th August 2017
03:45 hrs. ( MET + )

Saturday, August 26, 2017

As Hard As It Gets


As Hard As It Gets


So you've read that men are from Mars
And that women are from Venus
And you think you know all
That makes you a genius

That lets you realize everything
What God's whooping plan is about
That makes you assume to be a specialist
About human beings, gender's and soul's proud

What about all the other people who don't fit in black or white
Who seem to fall from the edge, don't even seem they just do
What about those you don't want to understand, to accept
Don't they really fit in because they are not like you


What I have to do now is a lonesome path
I'm prioritizing me over not me at all
I'm letting go everything I have
That's my challenging call

I'm letting go you although it breaks my heart
I'm letting go the dreams that comforted my day
I'm letting go the support, the fun and the happiness
That while finite and hardly developed lightened my way

What do you even know about not being accepted
Beyond that which is the usual, the very standard fare
With your life all this clearly structured, baby blue, defined
I don't blame you, that entangled, how could you ever be aware

The world is pretty much complex
The presence, the future, the life
Just now there are men to be
Another man's future wife

To be gay or to be bi, or simply straight
Doesn't cover the whole spectrum of seeing
And, what's more, important first and foremost
Any human should primary be just a human being

People are different anyway so why don't use adjectives
To describe, to distinguish, but only on some behalf
Not to offend, not to segregate, neither lampoon
Nor disrespecting someone with some laugh

Your impotence does not vanish
By being officially some guy
What's more a tiny dick

Start figuring why

I love you no matter what
Yes, it doesn't any how to appear
That's what I am, let's call it "incredible"
Plus, when you need or even want me, I'm here!


H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )
Saturday 26th August 2007
08:07 hrs. ( MET + )

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Touching Down


Touching Down

I'm landing in this time, again
What can I say, it really hurts
No picture could describe it
Neither a million words

"I'm through with love, I'll never fall again"
Actually, would be the right thing now to say
It sounds dramatic, and it is, without kidding
My faith fell apart, fell hard, cruelly astray

There is nothing left for me in this life
Save my pitiful, such adorable me
If only one could understand
My chances would be free

It's even better to be black
It's even better to be gay
Haunted or impaired
But to live this way

You, God, upper above
Or where the hell so ever
You made me intelligent
Though not very clever

You want me to fight for righteousness
You want me to fight for the future
Is there anything to gain for me
Short of a continuous suture

The suture of that ole scar
That stigma, mark, cicatrize
The seam that makes me ugly
Without the rectification to fix

I am just a child or an animal
Standing before love to be seen
Why have you, oh, forsaken me?
Why have you, oh, been mean?

I've been through a lot, so much
I've suffered unbearably oft-times
I haven't been a sacred of an angel
Still. I have not committed crimes

Don't want you to feel sorry again
That already dwells for me to do
"Holy Spirit", do not forget me!
"Jiminy", bail me out of blue!


H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )
Thurs 24th August 2017
08:55 hrs. ( MET + )

Saturday, August 5, 2017

One Of A Kind


One Of A Kind

Oh, why can't I just wish you straight to hell
Why can't I just stop giving you the words
Yes, why can't I just make you love me
When the absence of it simply hurts

Why do you have all those preferences
You know my preferences are you
Why can't I be proud without
You in my every day anew

Why do I fear to be proud anyway?
'Cause I fear to be arrogant at all?
That people use to think of me
Any way they want me to fall

You seem to be an exception
At some times you seem to care
Sometimes I feel security and sense
Feel to be treated benignly, jovially, fair

Why do I have to be even more far away?
Therewith you to be some more near?
Why can't you decide once for all?
Who are you? There and here.

I'm afraid that I will die all alone
Without a friend, or a dear, or a soul
I'm afraid that I never will be complete
That I will never embody an important role

Why do I appear stupid when I am in love?
Why everybody does romance, but not me?
Why can't I just count on you further on?
Why can't you just let it happen to be?

Why all these questions again?
Why can't I be a certainty?
Waking up every day?
As in you as in me

No, I can't wish you to hell, I need the breadcrumbs 
For to find and to follow my way again back home
You kill, eat me or save me, I'm at your mercy
Not anywhere near 'I'd rather be alone'

This usually works, this usually fits
Usually is my solution way out
Usually, it gives me power 
Usually, that's all about

I wish I could go
Leaving you behind
Wish you were and also
You weren't, one of a kind


H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)
Saturday 5th August 2017
11:25 hrs. ( MET + )