Intimacy Blocker

Intimacy Blocker

The autism in me is trying to get rid of you

Just trying to push you not right away

I’m on my way to destroy the good

Today, you better help me stay

Ugh, I’m getting so tired

From living that again

This time it’ll change

This time I’ll man

Man enough to

Quit the fuck

Disconnect

Build it up

Build that

Confidence

And, connect

Save that light

And, rather react

I start it now to stop

To share what’s going on

I better stop so now to start

Preserving what uses to be fun

I will treasure it, yes I’ll take care

I will lock myself to keep you alive

I will be valiant, even if it’ll hurt

I do not want to lose the drive

I will not drop you this time

I don’t want to let you go

You are a chance to be

You are my destiny

You are my second day of life

Of “Mark Twain’s” famous quote

You are the body that fits the clothes

The message without leaving your note

There is no way that you won’t understand

That I am exactly what you’ll ever need

I’ll learn what it may take these days

Get back in the game, on my feet

I need you here in my heart

I need you here in my life

I need your need in me

Need you be my wife

You’re not the loveliest

You’re not even the best

Yet, you are perfect for me

An adequate shoulder to rest

I love you, I wouldn’t tell you

I love you, you wouldn’t know

I love you in an unlovable way

My expectations are some low

On the other hand, huge then

A mission impossible rhyme

Maybe you'll understand me

Saving yourself so just fine

Saving me along with you

Saving your own mirror

Saving now tomorrow

Killing just the killer

HC_Thiesgen

Sun, June 10th, 2018

01:07 AM (UTC+2)

Anticlimax

Anticlimax

It tugs at my heartstrings

You kind of lacerate my heart

You are the one I most care about

Being less mattering and poles apart

I'm dissociated from all potentialities

Eventualities, and all possible ways

I'm tolerated, a nice distraction

A love to go, not that stays

I'll be fine. I'll be good.

I'll be free and loved at last!

'De oppresso liber' from now on

My blood won't be shed but cast

I thought I've yet passed the worst

Couldn't sink deeper anymore no more

I figured that my sadness had rocked bottom

There was no more minimal turning point before

Why can't I just stay forever on my own and lonely side?

Why can't I just let go all that pathetic longing for connection?

Why can't I accept that life will always and forever be a battle field?

Stop revealing my position, and choose secrecy instead as my protection?

Why can't I be in, but out?

Why can't I be wise?

Why do I suck?

Off-price?

I will be free from oppression

I will liberate the oppressed me

From being an oppressed man

To being a free one, you'll see

"De oppresso liber"

I'm on my way

Love is here

To stay!

H.C. Thiesgen

Tuesday 25th July 2017

20:48 hrs. ( MET + )

Um Dia Destes

Um Dia Destes

Um dia destes uma canção que nasce em mim

Não vai me encher do melhor e depois logo vacilar 

Um dia destes o seu silencio não vai sacar este bom

Más aumentar, apreciar, agradecer e ressoar 

Um dia destes estas minhas palavras 

Vão brincar seriamente com o seu violão 

E dar uma vida nova, crescente e florescente 

Nesta forma não racional de uma canção 

Um dia destes a eternidade

Não chega eternamente ao fim

E fortaleze o seu coração para

Que cresce dentro de mim

A vida é só uma só

Depois do medo geral

A vida é gentilmente

Aquele auto astral

Eu nasço, eu morro, eu nasço, eu morro

Com seus dedos tocando os fios tal conectados

Eu sorrio, eu choro, eu sorrio, mais menos choro

No vazio do origem destes futuros e passados

Eu sou uma verdadeira história fingida

Eu sou um grande exagero bastante limitado

Eu espero tudo mais que nada e pouco e o mundo

Mesmo sem nenhum amor eu me sinto amado

Um dia destes, mais que desses

Este teu sorriso será o meu lindo lar

Um dia destes, que se chamam o dia hoje

Você me deixa infinitivamente te amar

Um dia destes, um hoje

Você vai pegar a minha mão

Dissolvendo con os teus olhos

A provação do nosso coração

A vida é só uma só

Depois do medo geral

A vida é gentilmente

Aquele auto astral

HC_Behrens

Thursday 22, 2016

[17:55 hrs]

Breakthrough

Breakthrough

Do I can be afraid of losing something I never had?

Do I can be afraid of and help it losing already in advance?

Of course, I can. because even if it might have been some mirage

Without any kind of imagination ahead there hardly is some chance

 What I picture as possible, desirable and rewarding often enough gets real

Therefore, I want to focus on what I am fervently looking for soon-to-be

I figure out which ghosts want to use my sorrows against my odds

And let fear not get the best of this, my future "Lucky me!"

The sun has risen way through this so path for a new start

In between the two halves that were supposed to make me one

I'm running into destination with the warmth energizing my back

Encouraged and facilitated by the breeze of confidence from now on

Unquestionableness will be some unfamiliar and unused, but a wishing well so company 

Suiting my purpose, my intentions and my very, oh so, best for a, as long as necessary, while

I'm bored and fed up with how things used to be until now for a long time for some reasons

I am looking for fresh views and people, experiences, surroundings and innovative style 

Let aliens conquer my existence, OK, if you like, from time to time

Let me get scary in your security, in your precious soul and in your arms

Time is a monster anyway if you don't take care of it worthy and respectfully

Harm is such a fatal guidebook and how-to manual no matter what harms

No, I'm getting away now from what made me what I was supposed to be for now

It's time to see what for I was created for and move on bound forward homeward bound

Can't wait to get to know about what will make me happy next and what more still awaits me

The surprises that haven't been afforded hitherto and the treasures I thus far have not found

I'm ready to now steady to ever go

I'm honored from a praise song apart

Today I broke through into one 

Darting from dust to art

Money can ease my way

Money can burden me as well

Money can destroy love and peace

Money is still my number two, I can tell

List and we'll feel free

Together we both two

A whisper in my ear

You brand new

Will uncover my insecurities

To cover yours in a new light

I'm worth your peace and 

You are worth my fight

HC_Behrens

Sunday, May 15, 2016

[15:50 hrs]

Course of Wonders

Course of Wonders

Recently I thought about several times by now
Albeit, to consider you just as a dear and gentle friend
There is kind of reliable and enjoyable things to be thankful for
Competing with matters, sorry, I'll not furthermore be able to stand 

It neither makes part of my dream nor of my picture ahead
Neither has it made enchanting, blissful, joyful or sweet sense
I don't want my love fragmented and to squander energies
I want to feel free and liberated, not cautious and tense

Too many questions got simply unanswered meanwhile
Too many beautiful happenings and ongoings got too unshared
Too many "Yens" overlooked in the favor of the still claiming past
Too much eternal, but continually and cruelly ending, time uncared

At last, I finitely need enclosing, lossless and capacious attention
Need to unify and rejoin my distracted, strained empathy right now
Need my obscure sallowness be refilled with new light and colors
As my fallowness to be cultivated bright-eyed again somehow

Will I never get back more than my outstanding own embrace?
Merely an echo of my own love, of my own passion all in return?
In terms of the thousandth copy of the copy, used or abused
Attended by reservations, provisos and points to earn

I'm NO ONE, I'm EVERYONE, and I’m ONE
I want that living. I want that loving. I want that matter.

                           I want that ZERO full of great tendencies and means                           

Want you to want me BETTER and "no better"

I can let you go, plus I can go for myself, anyway
Moving forward onto some eventually higher ground
It's possible, but I don't want to, I'm tired of that
Counting backward really doesn't that count

I deserve to be liked and be treated with devotion
Without any necessary need for me to ever one day pay
Manifested as a predestined and choicest NONPAREIL
With sparkling and glistening WONDERS in my way

I deserve to be all that ME
I deserve to fulfill all that YOU
I deserve to call it that OUR
DREAM COME TRUE


HC_B - 21/08/15
[01:35 PM]