Dream Big

Dream Big

There you are, maybe, again, or at last

The wonder, the miracle, the match for to be

Could you be real, just to stay a little while forever

Or is it another challenge to test me, to be finally free

Good Lord, you know best, who I am, what I’ve been through

I’ve had way enough of the lectures of life for my taste now, you bet

Nevertheless, I know there is always more to learn, to discover, reveal

Nevertheless, I’d rather do not live another experience of grief or regret

I have come a long way to be here, to be aware, to be who I am to be now

That doesn’t mean I haven’t made stupid things, mistakes, foolish stuff

It does mean though that I’ve learned a lot, went through some hell

Went through a transformation, have had oohs and aahs enough

You ask me, could or would you have me just for your own

Honestly, I can say you couldn’t, neither would nor will

I just belong to live itself, love the whole world within

My heart is not "possessable", it’s independent, still

Still, I long to be connected to, I long to care

Still, there’s a place I’m looking for to be

My home, my heaven, my safe haven

My wonderful homecoming in me

I’m some exhausted to think

I’m not good enough, why

Hold under by complex

Behaving lowly or shy

I am rich as heaven

The kingdom per se

Not perfect, all right!

So what? Hey, hurray!

Wouldn’t it be hell for you

If I was, if it happened to be

Does it not make you human

As well, doesn’t it set you free

Hence, choose wisely your desire

Consider the angles you can accept

I do not intend to be used, tested, lost

Damned sure though I want to be kept

We’ll see if I will feel safe enough to give

Myself completely, maybe for the first

Time - it seems to be a good timing

Grand, maybe it will even rhyme

I am no kind of idiot, no fool

Furthermore, on that I plan

Please, be so kind, and nice

Appearing just wham-bam

On the other hand, I waited

This whole life long and ago

Some all is left yet, I'm glad

Maybe home we go, “Hi ho”

HC_Thiesgen

March 25, 2020

5:51 PM (CET)

Intimacy Blocker

Intimacy Blocker

The autism in me is trying to get rid of you

Just trying to push you not right away

I’m on my way to destroy the good

Today, you better help me stay

Ugh, I’m getting so tired

From living that again

This time it’ll change

This time I’ll man

Man enough to

Quit the fuck

Disconnect

Build it up

Build that

Confidence

And, connect

Save that light

And, rather react

I start it now to stop

To share what’s going on

I better stop so now to start

Preserving what uses to be fun

I will treasure it, yes I’ll take care

I will lock myself to keep you alive

I will be valiant, even if it’ll hurt

I do not want to lose the drive

I will not drop you this time

I don’t want to let you go

You are a chance to be

You are my destiny

You are my second day of life

Of “Mark Twain’s” famous quote

You are the body that fits the clothes

The message without leaving your note

There is no way that you won’t understand

That I am exactly what you’ll ever need

I’ll learn what it may take these days

Get back in the game, on my feet

I need you here in my heart

I need you here in my life

I need your need in me

Need you be my wife

You’re not the loveliest

You’re not even the best

Yet, you are perfect for me

An adequate shoulder to rest

I love you, I wouldn’t tell you

I love you, you wouldn’t know

I love you in an unlovable way

My expectations are some low

On the other hand, huge then

A mission impossible rhyme

Maybe you'll understand me

Saving yourself so just fine

Saving me along with you

Saving your own mirror

Saving now tomorrow

Killing just the killer

HC_Thiesgen

Sun, June 10th, 2018

01:07 AM (UTC+2)

Anticlimax

Anticlimax

It tugs at my heartstrings

You kind of lacerate my heart

You are the one I most care about

Being less mattering and poles apart

I'm dissociated from all potentialities

Eventualities, and all possible ways

I'm tolerated, a nice distraction

A love to go, not that stays

I'll be fine. I'll be good.

I'll be free and loved at last!

'De oppresso liber' from now on

My blood won't be shed but cast

I thought I've yet passed the worst

Couldn't sink deeper anymore no more

I figured that my sadness had rocked bottom

There was no more minimal turning point before

Why can't I just stay forever on my own and lonely side?

Why can't I just let go all that pathetic longing for connection?

Why can't I accept that life will always and forever be a battle field?

Stop revealing my position, and choose secrecy instead as my protection?

Why can't I be in, but out?

Why can't I be wise?

Why do I suck?

Off-price?

I will be free from oppression

I will liberate the oppressed me

From being an oppressed man

To being a free one, you'll see

"De oppresso liber"

I'm on my way

Love is here

To stay!

H.C. Thiesgen

Tuesday 25th July 2017

20:48 hrs. ( MET + )

Willingness to Put Forth

Willingness to Put Forth

We are children without the childhood

We linger in a certain state of exception

We need the emergency rule to be lifted

Change some freedom into protection

We need the willingness to put forth buds

Stop escaping, credential the now be the plan

We need the pubescent possibilities of our roots

Open up to other culturality, other habits, and man

Give our thoughts some cut, some shape, some glow

Some openhandedness and some magnanimity 

The willingness to prosper without cheating

Set time a definition to be set to infinity

What's my relation to immigration like?

It's hard to say neither home nor on the run

I've been forced, without had been given a voice

Enslaved, god-forsaken to "Bad begun is half gone".

There have been deaths I've seen, I've survived, I've passed

There has been incredible sorrow, and misery, and pain

Hopeless moments of insufferableness and sadness

Leaving me behind never ever again the same

What's my relation to immigration like?

I'm an immigrant with no help at all

Nor sympathy, nor any believer

Nobody catches me if I fall

I am trapped in racism

Sickening affectation "to go"

Getting on somebody's bad side

Brave stepping ahead "so and so"

I know what it's like to be black

And, enter a crowded room

I know what it's like hell

Being neglected soon

Do I have a relation to immigration?

Has immigration a relation to me?

God for sure knows the answer!

People are to ignorant to see!

H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )

Wednesday 19th July 2017

16:47 hrs. ( MET + )