Diamonds in Disguise

Diamonds in Disguise

Oh, how I'd love to say I'm sorry, really

Oh, how I'd love to have you back in my life

Oh, how I hate myself for being such so loser

Or for making your kindness turn to a knife

A knife that is stuck all in my heart now

A knife that cuts my world into despair

A knife that fills my lungs with blood

And, abandoned me from fresh air

I can't decide this time to do

I can't choose the role to admit

I can't let you be able to buy me

I can't betray myself just to fit

It's your turn now to man up

I do it my way, I do resist

I honored the women

You hated to exist

But it's her call but yet

If I should live or so die

It is her all unselfishness

Braving or walking on by

I'm not sure if I can survive 

One more birthday without glee

One more winter without that sun

That you used to shine rightly on me

I know that I don't really know you

If that generally happens at all

Just following a stupid faith

Just following some call

I want no more words

Can't bear it without you

Can't get enough to survive

Can hardly make it through

The darkness with no candle

The storm without a crutch

The light without a point

That I love very much

H.C. Thiesgen

Tue 20th August 2017

11:27 hrs. ( MET + )

Angry Splinter

Angry Splinter 

If there only could be ever someone

Who barred me from hurting me like this

I don't know if I can stand life further without

I'm miserable, faithless and sad just the way it is

Life is eating me up, my body, my feelings, and hope

I'm fighting it but don't know now who's actually winning
Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm getting ahead making progress

Or stay where I am or where I was already, keeping just spinning

Writing, it helps me and it adjusts me

But it's also driving me some nuts, crazy

It makes me lose people I care about a lot

It also makes me inflexible, in a way lazy

Why can't my tears overflow me once and for all
And, create a river for your ship to sail directly to me?

My soul is unhappy, torn apart, back and forth, repeatedly

"God", I need the full load,  the fuel feed to get out of the gloomy

I'm not sure anymore if I can make it

Grow up and make my own living

I've never learned it, not a bit

Nor accepting nor giving

I'm hungry, sad and I'm all lonely

I'm done with living on my own

I am tired of the idea to move

Oh, how I long to be home!

But, there's no home without a heart
But, yet my heart is where you are

But, where you are is far away

But, still, you are my star

Still, I wish you here

Still, I think you there

Still, you rule my world

Still, you seem pretty fair

Lord, I wish I could cry

And, shout out loud

Let me be loved!

And, proud!

H.C. Thiesgen

Mon 28th August 2007

08:50 PM ( GEM + )

Lighthouse of Delusion

Lighthouse of Delusion

A friend is gone, my hopes, my acceptance

A good while of my life, a good memory

I prepare to face more than nothing

I stand up to not cave in misery

Wouldn't it be wonderful if money hadn't scarfed you

When your principles would not have been bought

Couldn't it be fantastic when you could love me

Without prejudices, fear or a second thought

What a great idea, what a dream it seems

Thinking that you might be different, be the one

Allow me to still hang on to hopes, that may be stupid

Faith, in the sweet home where I live for, where I belong

Who said that here, the solution couldn't have been you

Your friends? Your mother? Your ex? Apprehensibility?

You floored me hard down, you've been waiting for it
Pussy-footing around again with the usual facility

 I discern, know where you are coming from 

One is as good and as bad as is the other

You gave me more than an inch, yes

The mile took me away rather

No love, no home, no smile

No sweetest word to hear or to say

No day to be born again to look forward

No better than a list of happiness dying away

As likely as not, guess you won't surprise me anymore

Well, ego's pride has taken up your everyday all through

I'm swimming boldly in a sea of sadness, without a harbor

Without the lighthouse on shore which lovely has been you

H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )

Sun 27th August 2017

03:45 hrs. ( MET + )

As Hard As It Gets

As Hard As It Gets

So you've read that men are from Mars

And that women are from Venus

And you think you know all

That makes you a genius

That lets you realize everything

What God's whooping plan is about

That makes you assume to be a specialist

About human beings, gender's and soul's proud

What about all the other people who don't fit in black or white

Who seem to fall from the edge, don't even seem they just do

What about those you don't want to understand, to accept

Don't they really fit in because they are not like you

What I have to do now is a lonesome path

I'm prioritizing me over not me at all

I'm letting go everything I have

That's my challenging call

I'm letting go you although it breaks my heart

I'm letting go the dreams that comforted my day

I'm letting go the support, the fun and the happiness

That while finite and hardly developed lightened my way

What do you even know about not being accepted

Beyond that which is the usual, the very standard fare

With your life all this clearly structured, baby blue, defined

I don't blame you, that entangled, how could you ever be aware

The world is pretty much complex

The presence, the future, the life

Just now there are men to be

Another man's future wife

To be gay or to be bi, or simply straight

Doesn't cover the whole spectrum of seeing

And, what's more, important first and foremost

Any human should primary be just a human being

People are different anyway so why don't use adjectives

To describe, to distinguish, but only on some behalf

Not to offend, not to segregate, neither lampoon

Nor disrespecting someone with some laugh

Your impotence does not vanish
By being officially some guy
What's more a tiny dick

Start figuring why

I love you no matter what

Yes, it doesn't any how to appear

That's what I am, let's call it "incredible"

Plus, when you need or even want me, I'm here!

H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )

Saturday 26th August 2007

08:07 hrs. ( MET + )

Touching Down

Touching Down

I'm landing in this time, again

What can I say, it really hurts

No picture could describe it

Neither a million words

"I'm through with love, I'll never fall again"

Actually, would be the right thing now to say

It sounds dramatic, and it is, without kidding

My faith fell apart, fell hard, cruelly astray

There is nothing left for me in this life

Save my pitiful, such adorable me

If only one could understand

My chances would be free

It's even better to be black

It's even better to be gay

Haunted or impaired

But to live this way

You, God, upper above

Or where the hell so ever

You made me intelligent

Though not very clever

You want me to fight for righteousness

You want me to fight for the future

Is there anything to gain for me

Short of a continuous suture

The suture of that ole scar

That stigma, mark, cicatrize

The seam that makes me ugly

Without the rectification to fix

I am just a child or an animal

Standing before love to be seen

Why have you, oh, forsaken me?

Why have you, oh, been mean?

I've been through a lot, so much

I've suffered unbearably oft-times

I haven't been a sacred of an angel

Still. I have not committed crimes

Don't want you to feel sorry again

That already dwells for me to do

"Holy Spirit", do not forget me!

"Jiminy", bail me out of blue!

H.C. Thiesgen ( Behrens )

Thurs 24th August 2017

08:55 hrs. ( MET + )

One Of A Kind

One Of A Kind

Oh, why can't I just wish you straight to hell

Why can't I just stop giving you the words

Yes, why can't I just make you love me

When the absence of it simply hurts

Why do you have all those preferences

You know my preferences are you

Why can't I be proud without

You in my every day anew

Why do I fear to be proud anyway?

'Cause I fear to be arrogant at all?

That people use to think of me

Any way they want me to fall

You seem to be an exception

At some times you seem to care

Sometimes I feel security and sense

Feel to be treated benignly, jovially, fair

Why do I have to be even more far away?

Therewith you to be some more near?

Why can't you decide once for all?

Who are you? There and here.

I'm afraid that I will die all alone

Without a friend, or a dear, or a soul

I'm afraid that I never will be complete

That I will never embody an important role

Why do I appear stupid when I am in love?

Why everybody does romance, but not me?

Why can't I just count on you further on?

Why can't you just let it happen to be?

Why all these questions again?

Why can't I be a certainty?

Waking up every day?

As in you as in me

No, I can't wish you to hell, I need the breadcrumbs 

For to find and to follow my way again back home

You kill, eat me or save me, I'm at your mercy

Not anywhere near 'I'd rather be alone'

This usually works, this usually fits

Usually is my solution way out

Usually, it gives me power 

Usually, that's all about

I wish I could go

Leaving you behind

Wish you were and also

You weren't, one of a kind

H.C. Thiesgen (Behrens)

Saturday 5th August 2017

11:25 hrs. ( MET + )