Hope

Hope

I'm so sad

That I could cry

But I can't, it's weird

And I'm wondering why

Maybe I'm not

As lonesome as I feel

Maybe there's someone

Some present and some real

I sit here and listen to

Any ole music of the trees

I watch the sound of silence

Between "not to's" or “to be's”

I want to do something

But I'm kind of paralyzed

I desire me to be legit 

And all surprised

I'm longing for good talking, I'm longing for walking

But not so on down some lonesome way, all by my own

I want to share details, I want to share wholeness

Along intimacy, around people, and at home.

I'm, the hell, lonesome that I could howl

To be heard and seen by someone

To wail out my sadness

And call it all gone

Who am I or will I

Or could I probably be

If I had love for myself

"With or without glee"

So I'm going on

But I'm feeling back

Still surrounded by water

Around my drowning neck

Yet my head is all up

I'm breathing, I'm seeing

Feeling worthwhile

A human being

I keep on that absurd smiling

Even loaded like a stupid dump

One day there'll be some ground

With enough love in, to jump

HC_B - 29/08/10

[1:55 PM]

Course of Wonders

Course of Wonders

Recently I thought about several times by now
Albeit, to consider you just as a dear and gentle friend
There is kind of reliable and enjoyable things to be thankful for
Competing with matters, sorry, I'll not furthermore be able to stand 

It neither makes part of my dream nor of my picture ahead
Neither has it made enchanting, blissful, joyful or sweet sense
I don't want my love fragmented and to squander energies
I want to feel free and liberated, not cautious and tense

Too many questions got simply unanswered meanwhile
Too many beautiful happenings and ongoings got too unshared
Too many "Yens" overlooked in the favor of the still claiming past
Too much eternal, but continually and cruelly ending, time uncared

At last, I finitely need enclosing, lossless and capacious attention
Need to unify and rejoin my distracted, strained empathy right now
Need my obscure sallowness be refilled with new light and colors
As my fallowness to be cultivated bright-eyed again somehow

Will I never get back more than my outstanding own embrace?
Merely an echo of my own love, of my own passion all in return?
In terms of the thousandth copy of the copy, used or abused
Attended by reservations, provisos and points to earn

I'm NO ONE, I'm EVERYONE, and I’m ONE
I want that living. I want that loving. I want that matter.

                           I want that ZERO full of great tendencies and means                           

Want you to want me BETTER and "no better"

I can let you go, plus I can go for myself, anyway
Moving forward onto some eventually higher ground
It's possible, but I don't want to, I'm tired of that
Counting backward really doesn't that count

I deserve to be liked and be treated with devotion
Without any necessary need for me to ever one day pay
Manifested as a predestined and choicest NONPAREIL
With sparkling and glistening WONDERS in my way

I deserve to be all that ME
I deserve to fulfill all that YOU
I deserve to call it that OUR
DREAM COME TRUE


HC_B - 21/08/15
[01:35 PM]